Friday, November 26, 2004

Dolphins Stunned in Bye Week Shocker.

As a Dolphin fan I am mortified by this story written by George Kelley from Miami.

Miami (AP)

The Miami Dolphins, already reeling amid the worst season in franchisehistory, made NFL history today by losing to the Bye Week 23-0. In the days leading to the contest, Miami coaches and players had scoffed at the notion of losing to the Bye but their confidence was shaken early. After exchanging punts on their opening drives, Bye was faced with 3rd and long deep in their own territory. A long bomb from Nobody to Nothing sailed beyond the receivers grasp, but Miami cornerback Sam Madison was flagged for holding on the play.

Enraged by the call, Madison compounded matters by grabbing the yellow flag, stuffing it down referee Ebenezer Glaucoma's throat, and storming off the field while removing his uniform. Upon reaching the sidelines, the naked Madison was comforted by lame-duck Miami coach Dave Wannstedt, who seemed unaware that the eight-year veteran was urinating on him.The embarrassing spectacle drew multiple penalties, and Bye scored easily on a one-yard plunge moments later.

Things went from bad to worse when the Dolphins (1-9) went back on offense. On first-down, Miami running-back Travis Minor burst through the line for a big gain but suddenly reversed field when he realized he had forgotten the football. Quarterback A.J. Feeley, under heavy pressure, attempted to head-butt the ball to the confused runner but it was easily picked-off and returned for a score by Bye safety Whoever.After a 15-minute delay caused by a fruitless search for Feeley's disembodied head and right leg, Miami took the ensuing kickoff and longtime QB Jay Fiedler entered the game to a chorus of boos and a cascade of plastic cups, foil wrappers, and half-eaten chicken parts.

Fiedler's first pass was errant, landing next to Mrs. Frieda McNellis in Section 144, Row 27, but the embattled quarterback was on the mark two plays later when he hit Bye linebacker Whatever squarely between the numbers. Whatever (after pausing to eat a chicken part littering the field) walked into the endzone untouched.Faced with a 21-0 deficit, Wannstedt turned to journeyman quarterback Amos "Scrappy" Lutz, acquired earlier in the day in exchange for Miami's first pick in next year's draft. On his first attempt, Lutz hit Miami guard Taylor Whitley in the back, seriously injuring the player.

As Whitley cried in pain, the rest of the Dolphins embattled line fell to the turf writhing and moaning in a display of solidarity for their fallen teammate. Seeing that the play had not yet been whistled dead, Miami FB Rob Konrad alertly scooped up the ball and ran towards the Dolphins endzone. After crossing the goalline, the fifth-year pro sat down, sobbing. Bye defensive end John Doe rushed to console the player, making the score 23-0. A teary-eyed Konrad explained later "I just wanted to be in an endzone...any more time before I die."Sensing that the lead was secure, Bye left the stadium at the half in order to catch an earlier flight to Cleveland. Despite Bye's departure, Miami failed to cross their own 40 the remainder of the contest.

In a somber lockerroom afterwards, only Wannstedt seemed upbeat. "We had a great week of practice and I was sure our guys were ready to play," the embattled coach explained to stunned onlookers. "I warned them that Bye Week could be a trap game....I even illustrated it for them with hand puppets...but I guess they didn't listen. Maybe I need to hire a mime or play charades to get the point across. Whatever...we still have plenty of time to turn things around."


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