Wednesday, April 27, 2005

"Hey mom, play with this!"

When I tell people I've worked for all the major retail toy chains over a period of ten years, their first reaction is always a gasp. Then they ask, "how did you ever put up with all those little brats?" This is a common misconception, that the worst thing about working for a toy store is the kids. Most of the children who come into the store are toddlers. They're not old enough to be little monsters, yet. They learn thatlater from their parents, who are the real monsters.

There is no other retail environment that comes close to toys, believe me. You have never seen such egregiously inhuman behavior by suppossed adults. Grown men, who are old enough to know better, throwing frisbees, footballs and baseballs through the aisles oblivious to the danger to others, riding 20" bikes (Made for 10 years olds.), sitting on battery powered cars (Designed for 5 year olds) and generally making complete asses out of themselves. They do this right in front of you, too, as if challenging you to stop them. The bratty customer is always right. "I'll have your job!" (Take my job, please!)

By far, though, mothers are the absolute worst! They come in with their kids and let them run wild not paying a bit of attention to where they are or what they're up to. News flash mom, we're not baby sitters! If your child gets hurt or gets kidnapped, it's not our responsibility. And here's a little heads-up mommy dearest; when you come in with your stroller and "accidentally" drop pacifiers, teething rings, various small toys etc. into the under-padding, we know. Putting Enfamil on the rack under your stroller and "forgetting" to pay for it on your way out doesn't fool us either.

Please, do try to refrain from knocking all the merchandise off one of our end caps and changing your baby on it. At the very least, take the diaper with you! We do have changing tables in the restrooms which are naturally always in a state of total hell- on- earth because of others such as yourself. By the way, the toilet is where you do your business, not on the floor or in the sink. (Note: Men's rooms are usually very clean. I know, I've cleaned both. During the Christmas season, no less!)

And finally mothers, we don't come into your house and rip all your belongings to shreds like wild animals and leave them scattered everywhere, we don't get into hair-pulling matches over the floor sample of the latest "hot toy" and we don't rob you blind and react with moral outrage when we get caught. Every wonder why your kid is such a brat? Look in the mirror!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your comments on parents and their friction-induced spawn are heartless and cruel.

Children are only annoying in the following circumstances:

Crying, Tantrums, Vomiting, Punching, Kicking, Peeing and/or Defecating on themselves, Screaming, Talking, Walking, Eating Snot, and Breathing.

Parents are only annoying when they are within 500 feet of me.

What's your damn beef??

5:48 AM  

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